Williamsburg Brooklyn Trend Report

Since I live smack dab in the epicenter of everything that is hip in the world, I wanted to share with you a report on the trends you’ll be feeling in 2010.

Women: Asian women are still holding strong in the area to the point where seeing a white woman on the street is like catching Moby Dick. As all the non-fobby girls have been snatched up by white dudes in bands and graphic designers, this leaves the more fresher arrivals for those who are late to the game (frat dudes, recently divorced). These women have bad teeth and haircuts, which poses a threat to the trend’s entire infrastructure. I see a big big comeback for white women in 2010, now that they have realized you must look cute to get a guy.

Clothing: Ray bans are still ubiquitous and seem like they will never die, though fruity colored ones are never ever acceptable. Jeans are becomming less skin tight and anything with a logo on it is gaaaay and burn all of your “street wear.”

Food: If you’re eating anything that isn’t fried chicken you are a lame. No more pork belly (ok not no more) oh and I don’t care if it is locally and organically produced. Fuck farmers who live near you.

Music: As always, the coolest band right now is some shit you’ve never heard of, so don’t bother asking. Michael Jackson records thrown into sets are obvious pandering to 80’s babies. If your DJ set is struggling you cannot throw on Billy Jean to dig yourself out of a hole. Stop it. Also, Steve Aoki is a retard.

Booze: Contrary to popular belief, hipsters don’t seek out shit beer. Hipsters will literally drink anything…especially whisky. I predict drinking everything you can get your hands on will continue into the later part of 2010. The more well off hipsters with actual jobs and trust funds are very into wine.

Pets: Cats will never be cool, but dogs as always, are holding strong. If you can find a really cute one, get it from a rescue so you can constantly brag to your friends about how awesome of a human you are. If you are REALLY cool you have no pet because you’re too busy having fun and living life to take care of it.